I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
