All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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