I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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