Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Semen is not good for contacts.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
