apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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