I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
