White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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