He had one of those small greek statue penises
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
