I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
