did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
