clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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