question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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