Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
