Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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