In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
