Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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