you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
