ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
