Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize