I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
