so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
