white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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