she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
