i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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