I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
