party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
