we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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