I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
