I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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