Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
