You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize