Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Vodka?
Forever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
