One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
