it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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