Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
