K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just googled if crying burns calories
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
