I puked a lego.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
