I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize
