I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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