I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My penis needs a shock collar
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
