Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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