I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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