last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
