I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
