The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize