I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
