So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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