Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
