nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
