I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
