Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
