He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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