i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
