Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
