I'm pants shitting drunk right now
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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