we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
