ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
