I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
