So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So apparently I’m into choking now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
