omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Drunk is not a location!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
