how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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