I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
