Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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