I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
