the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
