So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
