just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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