I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Green mimosas i think yes
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
