He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
