I could make wine with my vomit
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
