so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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