Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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