If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
