Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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