I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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