Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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