y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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